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(There's hardly any post-sex cuddlingus, however, unless you count penis heads grazing lovingly against cum-splattered body parts. Hey, I usually just pass out!) Cumshots are mostly aimed shaved girls at the thigh/vagina region, which makes me think wistfully of someday having children of my own. Some of this, happily and not so, amounted to unclassifiable: two scenes from separate movies in the venerable Café Flesh series (set in a post-apocalyptic time when sex is performed in clubs. May we never see shaved girls the day!), one featuring a prickly cactus as a conceptual dildo, the other a FMMM fourway starring presidents Lincoln, shaved girls Nixon, and possibly Washington; a solo guttermouth bride, presumably left at the altar, apparently taking all comers; and, best of all, bride-and-groom figurines atop a cake coming to life, and--spoiler alert--performing cunnilingus on one another. The hottest scene, lifted from the '80s-era Bachelorette Party, blends realism and fantasy like Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
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